http://bobby30531552.newsvine.com/_news/2016/01/11/34938274-david-bowie-is-dead-at-69-cnncom?lite
1. The first sentence is wordy. It would read better and have more impact as two sentences, with the first as:“David Bowie has died.”
2. The photograph has no attribution. It is a mural or painting based on the cover art from David Bowie’s 1973 album Aladdin Insane. Explaining its relevance, along with the appropriate attribution, would assist the reader. Proper attribution reduces the risk of the author, or publisher, being at unnecessary risk of copyright breach.
3. The article allows for comments (User Generated Content; UGC). This UGC links You Tube videos and GIFs to demonstrate the users connection with the David Bowie. Their comments suggest to me that an opportunity was missed by the author. Linking music or video would enrich the user experience, especially as Bowie’s primary language to the world was music. The article briefly mentions Bowie’s final (and lesser known) album, Blackstar. The UGC shows that Bowie has an extensive body of work that users resonate with. The absence of audio and visual multimedia for the users to interact with makes for a bland and limited experience.
4. There are several typographical errors which demonstrate poor editing.
Word Count: 192 | Karyn Bloxham | SID: 460419901
onlinejournalism004 